exchange

I find her eyebrows to be incredibly unfortunate.  But really, this talk is worth listening to, worth considering.

One thing I know about this is that people will give you just about anything.  All they have to have is some idea that you might need or even just want something, and some idea that you'd be gracious about being given a gift.  I couldn't even begin to recall all the various and sundry things we've been given, by various and sundry friends/acquaintances/strangers.

Another thing I know is that very often, far too often, people "give" you stuff with strings attached.  Either refuse that "gift", or cut or ignore the strings -- that's the ONLY way to live with that.  And for goodness sakes, don't ever "give" someone something unless you are really free in your soul to GIVE it to them.  And that even means, frankly, what you sell to them -- quit trying to control every.little.thing.  You are not in charge.

I know that there is a lot of . . . pressure is not quite the right word . . . disapproval is but doesn't capture it all . . . disdain . . . dismissal . . . derision . . . more sorts of things like that, a lot of that directed at alternative choices.  Of all sorts.  Everyone has their version of the folks driving by shouting "get a job", or the internet critics of your success.  The further away you are from the dominant paradigm, the freer people are to subject you to this.  Of course, you are a participant and so can, by and large, not participate, but it is still in the background.

But the overwhelming thing in Amanda's speech is the fair exchange.  It is something that, in my mountain culture, I'm accustomed to -- we want to do business in a way that each person participating feels like they got the best part of the deal.  And there is, of course, a large portion of "no skin off my nose" that goes on -- you need some gravel and I've got some, sure I'll bring you some buckets, you've got some extra hay . . . .