If I Knew Now What I Know Now

I’ve seen that one of my very best life skills is the ability to ask questions. Lots of questions. Even uncomfortable questions. And the ability to see options, possibilities, a lot more options and possibilities than the average joy seems to be able to see. But that ability starts with the questioning.

I didn’t always do this. I probably always had questions to ask, but discerning the most relevant questions is a trick. And being willing to hear and sift through whatever answers you get is difficult too. I think when I was a lot younger, I didn’t ask questions because I didn’t trust the adults around me because they all had agendas for me and I knew what they’d answer, or how they’d disapprove of my questions even. So there were opportunities I didn’t see and questions I didn’t ask, from big to small. One that I remember was that I had access to a ton of real experts when I bought my dressage saddle and I didn’t ask them -- and I didn’t buy the best possibility because of that. That’s a small thing. There were possibilities that I didn’t see because of the default thinking like ‘of course you have to go to college’. Stuff like that.

I first started thinking about asking questions, and the quality of those questions, when I was twenty. It was in this moment of suspension in the midst of the rent in my life when I went fishing with a college English professor who felt sorry for me (and my parents no doubt). I’d never ever fished. We were just at a water hazard on the golf course in the Valley and the lesson started with basics such as ‘this is a hook.’ I got my hook caught on branches and stuff a few times and then, suddenly, Ron had a fish on his line. He reeled it in, showed me how to get the hook out, and released the fish, and I said, “How did you do that?” “What?” he asked. “What exactly did you do to catch that fish?” I asked.

And he said, “Wow. That’s a good question. Most people don’t ever think to ask that.” Well, more’s the pity, but it seems he was right about how few good and relevant questions people are willing to ask but it is something that I never forgot: when someone is doing something you want to do, ask them how they did it. And don’t let them off the hook. Likewise, when someone’s life is bearing fruit you don’t want, don’t do what they are doing. Despite what people might say about preferring to focus on the things they want to do, it is just as important to be aware of what you do NOT want to do.

So, what are some of the important questions I’ve managed to ask? Well, perhaps most important is, “What do I really want to do?” It is important to ask that one in this moment but also long term. And frankly, it is often a difficult question to answer. And it is often as not answered by what you don’t want to do. Especially long term, pay attention to what you don’t want. “Who do I really want to be?” is perhaps the most spiritual question there is, way more than who is God or why am I here and other questions that there aren’t any real answers to. Or it could be phrased, “How do I want to be?” “What is really important?” is another, and a place where I think people screw up most often when they say one thing is important but what they do is another thing. What is really important to them is what they actually do no matter what they say. The law according to CG.

It is also important to pay attention to who you are asking. Like I wouldn’t really ask Al Gore how to lessen my carbon footprint because it isn’t anything he is personally the least bit familiar with. I only know one other person (except my grandparents who are all dead) who has actually hand-milked a cow and that was the person I bought my cow from. What people know “from the boys on the internet” is far less reliable than what I know from my grandparents’ example. I pay far more attention to what I know from my experience than to what other people think they might know from their thought experiments.

Another really important question is, “What is happening, really?” Again, discernment is important but if you don’t know what is happening around you, how can you prepare for it?

“What are the options I haven’t thought of yet?” I guarantee you that if you don’t have a solution to a problem that works yet, you haven’t yet thought of enough possibilities. There are always more. Always.

There are more important, relevant, incisive questions too. But it is time for supper which is itself an important question (as in "What are we having for . . . ?") which tonight was answered by baked acorn squash stuffed with onions and butter and topped with cheese, canned McCaslin green beans, and pickled beets. With a pone of corn bread of course. And a big glass of milk. Off the place.

It has been cold. It snowed again. Life is largely cutting wood, feeding the fire, milking, making bread, keeping warm, dealing with mud, feeding animals. But there is a greenhouse taking shape in the garden. And plans for plowing when it dries off a bit. And new thoughts on fencing and barns and the like. Sure, it is mud season but also movie season when we rent cheap videos which also makes it popcorn season. It is seed catalog season and remembering what you learned last year season. It is, no matter how cold it is, knowing that the sun is coming back season, and appreciating long sleepy nights season. It is the season to remember, and the season to dream.