Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Goddess Dreams, Cowgirl Dreams

For a long time now I have felt like I needed a vacation. A renewal. Some way to get from a place of having all these things I need to do to a place of having all these things I am looking forward to doing. This weekend, with husband out of town and my horse auction to go to, was that vacation. Who knew?

Enough of a vacation that I’ve made multiple churnings of butter and even cheese. It has been awhile since I have made cheese. The normal tasks have just seemed . . . oppressive. It is all a matter of perspective. And choice. But sometimes it seems impossible to figure out how to make a different choice. So a little break was very helpful in that.

I had tons of fun at the auction, mostly people watching. None of the livestock particularly tempted me to buy it. There was a class A three point hitch that fits Pioneer forecarts that we might get later but it was the horse auction that gives me the chance to see that such a thing exists. And gives me ideas. Dreams.

Horse training. A la my Uncle Noad. Nothing big, nothing formal. Dreams.

When I was twenty, I wrenched myself away from my dreams. It was necessary. As I’ve gotten older I’ve been able to see lots of things, lots of ways to live what were my dreams, that I didn’t see then. Schooling, societal and family expectations, drugs, “the way things are done”, all combined to obscure my vision and it was in wrenching myself away from my dreams that I was able to rip that veil.

In our economy it would seem that horses only cost money and lots of it. But there is an alternative economy. If I were an economist, perhaps I could write about it. But perhaps I would be completely blind to it. It is the black market. It is littling along. It is not needing $2K every month to not drown. It is doing things that synergistically work together to increase prosperity instead of compartmentalizing individual efforts at making vs. saving dollars.

So the key with my horse dreams that tickle the dream bone that connects my heart and my guts is to figure out how to do that in a way that increases prosperity instead of costs money. And to see around all the myths, all the assumptions; to counter all the objections; to feed the need-fire while erasing the expectations – all that has taken time and experience and meditative practice. We’ve pretty well always had a vision to be here, in this whole place we find ourselves (farm, family, lifestyle). Being way out and having lots of different animals has always been a part of it for me. Every day, every year, the manifestation gets more full, more vibrant.

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