the chicken, the egg, the vision, the direction your choices take you in

Make up your own story.  You might as well make it a good one.  This is ours.  This is what it is like when you choose a path, a good path, and stay on it.  If you want to have a family, you have to stay with it.  If you want to enrich the land, you have to stay with it.  That's just the way it is.  The only thing you have to give up is illusion.  And perhaps delusion if you've gone that far already.

This is what it looks like.  It isn't the only way it can look, but gosh darned if I've seen a lot of viable alternatives.

Whether you know it or not, you are making up your own story; make it a good one.  You are painting your own painting; don't make it one (or two) dimensional.  You are singing your own song: for goodness sakes, don't screech, just find your own voice.  You are dancing your own dance; so quit standing still.  Pay as you go.  Don't engage in exploitation.  Don't lie to yourself most of all.  You make your life one choice at a time.  Make good choices.  Don't guess at an answer that you already know is counterproductive.  Choose what at least could turn out well.

Start now.