Monday, December 05, 2005


That’s what I had to deal with the other day. I had spent the morning trying to make some headway in the kitchen (as usual). I took a break and a cup of coffee out to see my insufferable puppy and let him sit on my lap so that he’ll eventually be a 60 pound lap dog. Then a chicken cackled and since the flock’s egg production has gone down and since I think a huge cause of that is that we’re just not finding some of the nests, I went to investigate where this hen might be laying. I didn’t find anything but wandered that whole area looking in likely and not so likely spots for eggs.

Then, BAM! Very large loud gunshot, almost like a muzzleloader but it was probably a shotgun. Then a lighter, pow! -- a .22. My first thought was poachers delivering the coup de gras and that I was going to go down there and take their deer away from them. So I took off, without radio, without anyone knowing what was going on. Stupid, ok, yeah, I know, and I’ll probably do it again too. When I’m halfway to somewhere already I just can’t bring myself to go backward instead of forward to deal with it. Another halfway there and more BAMs and lots of pows (is that a pistol or a semi-automatic .22?) And some shot in between those too. They were making so much noise I was right up on them before they knew it. And they were on private land, trespassing, and doing what they were doing is illegal even if they’d been in the national forest (you can’t go armed except in hunting seasons there).

So here comes this little middle-aged, extremely mad, totally unarmed woman up to two big and heavily armed men in the middle of nowhere. Cussing like a sailor too. Called them everything but white. They started to take off into the forest but one thought better of it. One continued and I called him some more things, including chicken shit, afraid of a little GIRL! I’m laughing recalling because you wouldn’t really think it of me, would you? I wouldn’t really think it of me, but it is not polite in this culture to yell at someone unless they’ve really crossed the line, so these people KNEW they’d really crossed the line with me. They wouldn’t give me their names. Everything they did say just made me madder, like “we didn’t know there was a house there” (“You are shooting a gun, you have to know EXACTLY where you are and everything that is around you!”). Like “the shooting range costs $2 to get in to” (“It’s $2 on the HONOR system, you obviously have none of that, and you’ve blown way more than $2 in shells!”). Like, “I wouldn’t shoot your kids ma’am” (“You wouldn’t live to hurt my kids” cold).

It is my intuition that the one of them who chicken shit retreated to the woods either had a felony and illegally had a gun or he had an illegal gun (probably sawed off shotgun or automatic) to begin with and that’s why they didn’t go to the shooting range. We couldn’t find their car to get a tag to run. I had nothing to call the police with to file a report.

If the past is any predictor of the future, we won’t see them again, although we might hear tales at the local store about some crazy woman who lives out the holler who chases armed men down.


madcapmum said...

If I ever come for supper, I'll be sure to give you lots of forewarning! That was a great story - do you figure they've guessed you won't forget your gun next time?

thingfish23 said...

"Called them everything but white"

See - it's turns of phrase like that what keep me coming back to my "regular" blogs every day.

Your interlopers give us responsible firearms owners a bad rap. Then again, so does the NRA.

the Contrary Goddess said...

I have to admit, thingfish, I was a bit concerned when I wrote that phrase. That IS exactly what I'd say and how I'd say it, but would it be perceived as bigotted? I included it anyway but PC trickles down even that far and it is a shame, a SHAME I tell ya (foghorn leghorn).

I also thought about the trespassers and especially the anti-gun people. But gosh, it is ONLY in being armed yourself that you can protect yourself (and others). But more, as illustrated by this incident, is the WILLINGNESS to protect you and yours that is actually what protects you.

And certainly, bad things could have happened. But they didn't know my husband wasn't right behind me. And in this part of the country, they'd KNOW he came armed.

thingfish23 said...

Your verbiage wouldn't be perceived as bigoted by anyone with a clue, or the ability to read through your archives.

As for the gun issue - I guess there are as many opinions as opinion-holders - but I find a common strain in North American anti-firearm-ism to be yet another way for people to whine their pants off and attempt to run their neighbor's life.

It's mostly a phenomenon that seemingly has its roots somewhere well north of the sweet-tea line.

dragonfly183 said...

oh my goodness that was a funny story. That was gutsy to.

Joe Tornatore said...

oh my Goddess that was a funny stroy.

the Contrary Goddess said...

well folks, there was also the time we ran off a turkey poacher and he dropped the turkey. That was a loooong time ago but that turkey sure was good.

Floridacracker said...

Brave and a goddess should be. It would be tempting to follow them home and do a little target shooting in their backyard...see how they like it. Thingfish is right, these morons give the rest of us a bad name.

Walter Jeffries said...

Camera, girl. And radio phone and big dogs. That is how I greet this kind of scum. We allow hunting to people who help post our land and like you I do not appreciate the idiots who come by shooting, especially around the homestead area. I hear shots where and when there are not supposed to be and I go greet them with a couple of our guardian dogs, camera and radio so they know I'm in touch with my wife back at the house who is ready to dial 911. I get their tags, names and addresses and then I call and report them. The worst type are the city idiots who come up thinking this is wide open spaces that they can do anything they want from blasting their guns to cutting my fences, breaking my gates and rutting the fields and wood roads with their ATVs and pickups.

grannyfiddler said...

go, girl!

personally, i think anyone who doesn't have a friend who'll trust 'em enough to shoot on THEIR land shouldn't be allowed to have a gun. Seems like a good clue to me.

Lost said...

Geez what idiots! They might not have shot your kids but wanna bet they would have taken a shot at your horse or cow? You might have to start wearing a gun all the time just to take potshots at the morons. Is there a season for them? lol