Monday, January 10, 2005

Hither World, Thither World, All Worlds are One

Why can't I just shut up sometimes?

Ok, really, I know why. I think. Because shutting up doesn't feel honest. Because I think I'm missing something if I don't say it and ask what someone else thinks about it and see what insight they have about it. Not just any someone but someone I actually want to hear their opinion and care about what they think. Which is why I'm always distressed when what I say upsets them.

So my friend was up Saturday and Sunday my daughter told us this story that happened between two of the children and we used it to, hopefully, make a point to her about the sort of metaphysical things that we think are important. I told her about it thinking she might find it interesting or useful too and instead she felt defensive about her kid. Which to me it wasn't about her kid but about mine. And not the kid who told me the story either.

Which I could roll my eyes and put on a hair shirt and say 'mea culpa' because that sort of reaction to things I say is quite common so obviously there is something about how I say things that relates in to that. I won't say "causes" it though because I think the real thing that causes it is more like a social disease, very widespread. Although it isn't like I can't be defensive myself -- yeah, I suffer the same social disease sometimes.

Sort of. Although I'm taking a risk of going on a wide tangent with this. I think most people don't like to be honest; don't like to examine their own life and so won't examine anyone's life so they can make sure they won't by accident examine their own. My examining other people's lives, what they say, how they live, the results of their choices, in order to use my conclusions in my life is not my judging them (which is most often what they perceive it as). Rather they are being instructive to me. It is their problem (says I) if they don't want to be instructive to themselves, or don't want to use my life as instructive to themselves.

I also have to say my friend isn't like this. I've always found her willing to examine anything, even when it hurts, and also willing to put it out there, what she really thinks about me or our life or questions about our choices although altogether I would say she is more skillful (less offensive) in doing it than I am. That's why she's my friend, well, one reason among many that I love her (her willingness, not her skillfulness although skill is always a good thing).

But, back to here and now, or the mememe. She asked me why I thought something about one of her kids and I answered with mostly observations about one of mine. And seeing that, examining that, I realized how true and how universal that is. I think things about you only in how that relates to me. And that isn't a bad thing. Hither world, thither world, all worlds are One -- everything DOES relate to me. And to you. Absolutely no less to you than to me.

And no less to the animals, the trees, the rocks, the fire, the water, the carrots than to you OR me.

By the way, "Hither world, thither world, all worlds are one" is a quote from a little book called Gervaise. As well as a bit of truth.


laura said...

i'm glad you posted your thoughts on this. i made some reference to my email to you in my letter waiting to be mailed (snail mailed). i've thought about it an awful lot. even got overheard talking to scotty about it by samuel (and he could not remember having made that comment...ah well). i think there is more to explore here, with my defensiveness (and possibly yours). it doesn't make me love you any less, and i hope (no! i know) the same is true for you. it is our willingness to explore these types of hurts openly without hiding behind a fake smile that make our friendship work, what make it worthwhile. i was hormonal for one thing (easy answer, i know, but nonetheless true). i was also having an overload of PEOPLE (read family)!! i'm much better now, back in my own bed!!! i love you!

the Contrary Goddess said...

Glad you said that. I wasn't sure about posting that here but then, I wasn't sure about telling you that story either. You know, #1 daughter could have made the whole thing up anyway although I don't know where she got that cloth if you know what I mean. She's quite the drama queen and has been lying an awful lot, oh, TODAY. I'm a bit frustrated.

Anyway, I need to write you or call you.